Lately, there are moments in my life when i want to just drop everything, for my own self preservation, and run faraway!!! Sometimes I just want to stop thinking about others and just be selfish...BUT I CAN'T! I'm just not wired that way...thankfully!! Coz my friend was right, the gratification of doing something that would make a friend truly happy is INCOMPARABLE!!!
Best wishes to my good friend Girlie and her new husband Rennie! Thanks for letting me take part in your wedding! The preparation was stressful, the stress was a rush, and the rush was worth all the stress!!! Good luck to your new life!!!
I've found what I want to do...this is it...celebrating life...joining in other people's momentuos life events! Life is too short to bother yourself with mindless concerns...CELEBRATE, it's the only way to LIVE!!!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
FEAR...
I've just realized that I have lived a very sheltered life...My mom did as best as she could to protect me from all the harsh realities of the world...Not surprisingly, I,ve lived my life like a child, without fear or qualms, because I know, that everything would turn out alright in the end...Unfortunately, when my mom passed away, my shield was gone and I suddenly find myself beset with all sorts of fear...fear of the unknown, fear for my health, fear for my family's wellbeing, fear that i'm only just living a half life, fear that I am not the person I thought I was, fear of failure, fear of fear...
My friend told me that the only thing that's keeping me from what i want is fear...she told me that I only have to summon my courage so I can get out of where I am and move on to greater things...but i can't find my courage...i might have spent it all trying to be ok when mom was sick...or i might never had any courage at all, just the illusion of it...where do i find it? the yellow brick road remains unseen and i still don't have my ruby slippers...
When the pain of not doing something becomes more painful than the fear of doing it, that's the time when you know that you can't put it off much longer...that's when you know that you have to act on it...or you'd die a little
SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!
My friend told me that the only thing that's keeping me from what i want is fear...she told me that I only have to summon my courage so I can get out of where I am and move on to greater things...but i can't find my courage...i might have spent it all trying to be ok when mom was sick...or i might never had any courage at all, just the illusion of it...where do i find it? the yellow brick road remains unseen and i still don't have my ruby slippers...
When the pain of not doing something becomes more painful than the fear of doing it, that's the time when you know that you can't put it off much longer...that's when you know that you have to act on it...or you'd die a little
SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
carpe diem...
such a cliche but with so much truth in it...i've known this fact for so long and yet i still drift through life as though i have all the time in the world...i waste my time waiting and waiting, until the real thing comes along...and making tiny compromises along the way, until I realized that I am less the person that I was...that I have slowly lost myself in the process of making those tiny compromises...
so where do i go from here????
so where do i go from here????
Without HOPE or AGENDA...
March 24, 2006
TO THE ONE THAT NEVER WAS....Hay!!! I miss him!!! Every time I meEt someone who is not as good as he is, I MISS HIM!!! Has he become the man I compare everyone else against? I never realized that it had come to that! But somehow that has become the case…When I saw again for the nth time “Love Actually”, I found myself crying for the first time at the part portraying the ‘unrequited love’, coz perhaps that’s the only love I know!!! When that guy admitted to his best friend’s wife, without hope or agenda, that he loves her, I was crying my hearts out. I found myself wanting to let that someone know, WITHOUT HOPE OR AGENDA, that I did love him and he made my life happier just by being the someone who made me smile everytime he wakes me up and made me feel kilig with the smallest of things, by being that one friend who worries whether I get home safe or not!!! I miss you so much everytime I’m with someone who can’t possibly compare to you, and what’s worst, I miss you even for no reason at all…So here it is… my placard for what was almost but not quite there…to the one that got away…
“ you are the only one who made me feel special even though I’m so tipsy, and the one who took me home even though you’re so drunk…Hay!! Those were the days when I thought that you could feel the same way too…those days when I thought that it’s possible for someone like you to love me too…Coz I DID LOVE YOU you know!!! In my own little way, with all the love that I knew I had…though I AM SORRY that I have destroyed the best thing I could have with you by feeling what I felt. I wish I didn’t now, coz it has cost me a great friendship that shouldn’t have been destroyed by love…but what is done is done…and all I could wish for right now is for you to be happy, wherever you are, whatever you choose. I would always have your best interest in my heart…Thank you for bringing a little piece of joy in my life”
TO THE ONE THAT NEVER WAS....Hay!!! I miss him!!! Every time I meEt someone who is not as good as he is, I MISS HIM!!! Has he become the man I compare everyone else against? I never realized that it had come to that! But somehow that has become the case…When I saw again for the nth time “Love Actually”, I found myself crying for the first time at the part portraying the ‘unrequited love’, coz perhaps that’s the only love I know!!! When that guy admitted to his best friend’s wife, without hope or agenda, that he loves her, I was crying my hearts out. I found myself wanting to let that someone know, WITHOUT HOPE OR AGENDA, that I did love him and he made my life happier just by being the someone who made me smile everytime he wakes me up and made me feel kilig with the smallest of things, by being that one friend who worries whether I get home safe or not!!! I miss you so much everytime I’m with someone who can’t possibly compare to you, and what’s worst, I miss you even for no reason at all…So here it is… my placard for what was almost but not quite there…to the one that got away…
“ you are the only one who made me feel special even though I’m so tipsy, and the one who took me home even though you’re so drunk…Hay!! Those were the days when I thought that you could feel the same way too…those days when I thought that it’s possible for someone like you to love me too…Coz I DID LOVE YOU you know!!! In my own little way, with all the love that I knew I had…though I AM SORRY that I have destroyed the best thing I could have with you by feeling what I felt. I wish I didn’t now, coz it has cost me a great friendship that shouldn’t have been destroyed by love…but what is done is done…and all I could wish for right now is for you to be happy, wherever you are, whatever you choose. I would always have your best interest in my heart…Thank you for bringing a little piece of joy in my life”
my valentne birthday...
(am reposting this from my other blog site...)
February 15, 2006Ah! My birthday is over!!! Im officially 23! Gosh, that’s an odd age! But no matter how odd my age is, this was one of my best birthdays ever! Had a nice surprise from Justine and Trina after we had fondue at the Old Swiss Inn (I admit the place wasn’t all that nice! But damn the chocolate fondue was HEAVEN!!!). I was all ready for bed and thankful for the wonderful day I had and then there’s TRINA and JUSTINE knocking on my door with 2 pints of ice cream and candles!!! So sweet! Am so blessed with my friends!I love my birthday! I get so giddy right after Christmas coz I know my birthday’s coming up soon!!! Hehehe! My one special day of the year, where everybody would celebrate (and I mean everybody! All over the world! Hahaha!). And everybody would do whatever I want coz it’s my day!!! My friend D is laughing at me coz of the way I celebrate my birthday! She says am like a celebrity who have birthday months instead of just a birthday! But who can blame me, I have the same birthday as Kris Aquino, I’m bound to feel really special!!! What can I do, I was brought up that way! My family’s forever wish for me is that I find someone special who would love me as much as I love all of them!!! Haha! I love my family and I love that they worry that I would turn out to be an old lonely spinster! But really they shouldn’t! So long as I have them and I have my friends, I’ll never have a lonely Valentines birthday!!!’
February 15, 2006Ah! My birthday is over!!! Im officially 23! Gosh, that’s an odd age! But no matter how odd my age is, this was one of my best birthdays ever! Had a nice surprise from Justine and Trina after we had fondue at the Old Swiss Inn (I admit the place wasn’t all that nice! But damn the chocolate fondue was HEAVEN!!!). I was all ready for bed and thankful for the wonderful day I had and then there’s TRINA and JUSTINE knocking on my door with 2 pints of ice cream and candles!!! So sweet! Am so blessed with my friends!I love my birthday! I get so giddy right after Christmas coz I know my birthday’s coming up soon!!! Hehehe! My one special day of the year, where everybody would celebrate (and I mean everybody! All over the world! Hahaha!). And everybody would do whatever I want coz it’s my day!!! My friend D is laughing at me coz of the way I celebrate my birthday! She says am like a celebrity who have birthday months instead of just a birthday! But who can blame me, I have the same birthday as Kris Aquino, I’m bound to feel really special!!! What can I do, I was brought up that way! My family’s forever wish for me is that I find someone special who would love me as much as I love all of them!!! Haha! I love my family and I love that they worry that I would turn out to be an old lonely spinster! But really they shouldn’t! So long as I have them and I have my friends, I’ll never have a lonely Valentines birthday!!!’
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